


The Library

by Allons-y (sarabakanashimi)



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-24
Updated: 2013-09-24
Packaged: 2017-12-27 13:28:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/979489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarabakanashimi/pseuds/Allons-y
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I blame <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/users/will_p/profile">Will Pi</a> for this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Library

**Author's Note:**

  * For [will_p](https://archiveofourown.org/users/will_p/gifts).



**The Library**

 

“Reminder, others are coming. The Library has been breached.”

  
Dear listeners, ever get that feeling that someone's in the backseat? I actually have that feeling all the time. At home, while in the car, and even when I sit here, talking to you without being able to see you. 

 

And yet, as far as I know, I may be completely alone, talking to myself and spiralling to a lonely, lonely death.

 

Welcome to Night Vale.

 

Public service announcement: The City Council has made known that nobody has to laugh in the University corridors. I repeat, nobody has to laugh in the University corridors, especially if said corridors are empty.

 

Any transgression to this rule will be punished with a horrible and untimely death at the hands of the resident hooded figure (the one currently lurking in the Library by the Biography section).

 

It is said that the resident hooded figure particularly likes the Biography section because every book in that section ends with a death.

 

The Library will be nonexistent from 6 pm to 9 am in weekdays. The Library will never exist on a Sunday. Do not try to approach the Library. I repeat: Do not. Approach. The Library.

 

Anybody who will find themselves in the nonexistent Library from 6 pm to 9 am and/or on Sundays, will sadly disappear forever. We would like to extend our condolences to the family of our intern Brian, who went to the Library to interview the resident hooded figure. Thank you Brian, you will be deeply missed.

  
And now, two hours of nails scraping a blackboard!

 

A message came in, asking if it is possible to laugh _outside_ the University. There is no outside the University. There is no inside the University. There is no University.

 

There is just the screeching, unfillable void of your existence, staring at your from your mirror.

 

Buy CocaCola.

 

And now, the weather.

 

**Tides for next week:**

 

Monday: sandstorm  
Tuesday: dunes  
Wednesday: sandstorm  
Thursday: low tide  
Friday: high tide  
Saturday: no tide  
Sunday: black hole  
  
The City Council would like to remind you that there is no sea in Night Vale, as we are located in the middle of the desert.

  
Please refrain from bathing in any fountain or pool. They are imaginary.

 

Undergraduate Will living in the campus of the nonexistent University reports her essay vanishing from her laptop. Dear Will, please be assured that your essay will come back in the morning as you left it. Throwing your laptop into the nonexistent Library will only anger the hooded figure lurking in the Biography section.

 

Don't worry, dear Will. Your essay will come back when you are due to hand it in. Unfortunately it won't be finished, unless you get into your bathtub and weep. This may not work if you don't have a bathtub. Definitely don't try it in the shower. 

 

And now, a message from our sponsor.

 

“Hey, who turned out the lights? Hey, who turned out the lights? Hey, who turned out the lights?”

 

One concerned listener threw a stone through one of our windows, here at the radio station. The stone narrowly missed my head and ricocheted off the Management's door. Dear concerned listener, I hope you're even more concerned now, as Management has not taken that very well. 

 

A message was wrapped around the stone. The message says: “Needs more Carlos”.

 

You are perfectly right, dear concerned listener, even if your actions may have put my life in danger. This week's broadcast definitely needs more Carlos. Carlos and his perfect, beautiful hair. 

 

Dear listener, there is no possibility that I may forget to mention gorgeous, gorgeous Carlos. As it happens, my desk is covered with tiny memos, each and every one inscribed with the same words of your loving message. One of the interns, who just brought me coffee – thank you Andrew – just pasted one more post-it to the coffee mug. I may have inadvertently stuck one to my forehead. You could say that Carlos is always, _always_ in my thoughts.

 

On a more personal note, I would like to mention the set of magnetic letters and numbers that currently resides on my refrigerator. The letters seem to rearrange themselves out of their own will. The set has always been defective, missing all of the vowels. Some of the numbers stepped in to cover up for the mysterious absence of the vowels.

 

When I get up in the morning, the magnets usually spell “N33DS M04R C4RLOS”, but sometimes the message is slightly more ominous...

 

List of messages received by my magnetic set:

 

\- D00M 4ND D3SPA1R

\- TH3R3 W1LL B3 BL00D,

\- W3 R 0VT 0F M1LK 

\- R3DRVM

 

Dear listeners, always remember that truth may be found in the most humble things. You could find truth in a cucumber, in a slice of Big Rico's pizza, or in a set of magnetic letters missing all the vowels.

 

Until then, goodnight.


End file.
